Monday, January 13, 2014

Meta-Blog Post and A Paperback Giveaway

META   (from The Urban Dictionary ) A term, especially in art, used to characterize something that is characteristically self-referential.

"So I just saw this film about these people making a movie, and the movie they were making was about the film industry..."
"Dude, that's so META. Stop before my brain explodes."

 What to blog about? A blog post idea usually hits me every 30 minutes, but today I'm drawing a blank. What to write? I'm a bit lost.

I can tell you all about my wonderful 5 miles I ran at lunch. Fresh air. 42 degrees. No wind. Wearing shorts in the winter. Jamming tunes with my new Dr. Dre Powerbeats. It felt like spring outside, and much nicer than running on the treadmill next to the spiders in my basment. YAWNNN... that is boring.

I can tell you about how I was refereed to see an Ortho Surgeon by my PCP for non-responsive leg pain, but YAWWNNNN, that is more boring. Plus I'm a bit scared. I mean, if you cut into enough legs, you start to enjoy it, right? Hold a hammer long enough, and everything looks like a nail.

I could tell you that the Ortho Surgeon has been shaving off parts of runners' kneecaps to be used for a special elixir of youth potion from a Witch who lives in a nearby woods. The Witch is holding his pet dog hostage, the one who saved him from the explosion after he was sucking on the sedative tank and a nurse lit a cigarette, and he now feels indebted to save the dog. And when the doctor x-rayed me, he found a rare type of bone which, when placed into the Witch's brew, will actually cause the contrary effect and make the Witch limp so terribly bad she is unable to hurt humans or puppies ever again. Shall I go under the knife for the good of all?

Ah! Now that is interesting, right! Right?

Bottom line is, I'm not really that interesting, so I have to make stuff up or at least exaggerate parts of me. No, I have told no lies, but I do my best to sound mysterious, brooding, artsy, deep, witty, inspirational, controversial, coffee-shop material. 

Truth is, I am much more Phil Dunphy than Johnny Dep. Much more Jack of no Trades than Jack Kerouac.  

Writer types like to say "ooh, it's so cool, I'm a writer" or as this incredible blog post puts it,  Become A Self Important Douche.  And we all know how runner types like me will bore your ear off with tales of their miles and injuries and marathons and so on and so on. All of that makes me a self-indulgent narcissistic bore.

My only recourse is to give something away. I have not given away anything directly on this blog, because I have this big fear: nobody will sign up. Yep. That's one of my fears, even though the kindle version has been a top selling horror novel on amazon the last month.

Instead, I'm going to giveaway a copy on Goodreads. However, if you leave a comment below, I will send you some of my bone shavings in the mail, should I actually go under the knife.


Anonymous said...

I'm in! Email me at picturethis345@gmail

John M. said...

Facing the demons again... Good for you!

Good luck with the knee. I pulled a something this weekend, so I walked my 3 miles today.

Send me a book! LoL!

Joseph Villa said...

Awesome! free psn codes

Ty @tyruns.blogspot said...

I'm so far behind on my blog reading that I'm just now reading this! Ugh! (I already read the book, don't pick me.)

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