WICKED RUN PRESS: New York City Marathon Training, and Laughing So Hard That Milk Comes Shooting Out of Your Nose

It’s July, and I’m considering myself in training mode for the New York City Marathon. 31 miles in the last six days.

Time goals aren’t my focus, just a fun run and fantastic finish. I’m going to treat speed like the sun that will melt the wax on my wings. I plan to train slow and steady. I’m going to turtle the distances but run more weekly mileage, all with the idea of finishing and enjoying the event.

Of course, my ego will need to be satisfied somewhat, but I am setting the bar low and just trying to break 4 hours. I predicted a 3:40 time for corral purposes with the New York Road Runners, but since then things have changed. This is a very complicated case. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous.

So, slow and steady and more miles. That’s my plan. But as I write this, I realize any plan I start out with I sabatoge pretty quickly. You can plan to go fishing, but you can’t plan to catch any fish. They say that God laughs at us while we make our plans. Well, when we make marathon training plans, the running gods laugh so hard that milk comes shooting out of their nose.

So, I thought I’d offer up some other plans for them to laugh at.

Core Work

I have tried to do more core work in the past, because I got to believe it makes a difference, but doing ab work just makes me fart more and any muscle in my gut just pushes out the flab.

Cross-training

I’ve been doing more biking, but I have found the greatest, most joyful and sweat inducing workout in the world. Skyzone- It’s one of those trampoline parks, and after just jumping for a few minutes I was near anaerobic and sweating out the soul of my childhood, and loving it. The greatest part was dodgeball. One of the top 10 moments of my millennium. Well, top 20 maybe, but still, you got to try trampoline dodgeball.

Cherry Juice

It’s the new fad. Years ago it was chocolate milk for recovery, now all I’m reading about is Cherry Juice as the ultimate recovery drink with anti-inflammatory power. I plan to stop at all of those Cherry stands driving up north Michigan, and will count spitting out the seeds as training.

A simplified playlist on my Ipod.

5 miles runs = “I Love it” by Icona Pop on constant Repeat

10 mile runs = “Man up” and “Hasa Diga eebowai” from Book of Mormon on constant Repeat

20 mile runs = Shuffle the Led Zeppelin collection and the best from Glee.

Anything else on my ipod is bad for my legs.

20 mile runs on tired legs
Rather than resting up like it's a race day itself, I plan to do my 20 milers after a fix or six mile day. Not exactly the Hanson's method, more like the drunken, black-sheep, long lost Hanson brother method.

Finally, A Tattoo
I plan to shave my back, and get a tattoo of my book cover inked all over me.