I've written about treadmills a ton this winter. It is not just because this winter has been a beast, but I also have some treadmill guilt. My ratio of inside to outside runs has been a bit embarrassing. Earlier this week, I missed an outside group run with the Southeast Michigan runners' group. Instead, I ran 5 miles in my basement the next day watching Oblivion on HBO. Oh the shame.
Outside
is where the great treasures of running lie. The fresh air. The vast
landscape. The arteries of roads and highways through the amber waves of
grain, running about where the deer and antelope play.
The air
in my basement where I run is stale and sticky. Moisture seems to soak in all
the cavernous particles that then get inhaled into my lungs. Besides the TV in
front of me, there are white ceiling tiles that sag and show some water spots.
Tossed in corners I see discarded furniture we just can’t part with. It’s an
underground junk yard and a far cry from a trail run through a state park.
But, God’s
creatures are everywhere. There are just as many natural creatures in my
basement to appreciate. It is not an area devoid of life. Here are just a few of the
specimens who I share a run with in my treadmill basement.
Centipedes
– they are at any given moment the fastest creature in the basement. Certainly
for shorter distances like a 5k. Natural fartleckers, they stay still until you
come by and sprint off, usually trash-talking.
Spiders –
Spiders are also intimidating runners and have long legs made for distances.
Unfortunately, they often get squashed and never make it out of the chute.
Mice - I have found a dead mouse right next to my treadmill. Not a scary rat looking
thing, more like the little mice you see at the pet store. Certainly this mouse was fast, but did not
hydrate properly nor follow runners nutrition. Mr. Jingles will be missed.
Gelatinous
Cube – if you do not know what a gelatinous cube is, then you need to grab a Dungons
and Dragons monster manual and a 20 sided die. They are large, cubed creatures
that are transparent/transluscent and fill up the space of a room and suck in and
disintegrate all that they encounter. I know they exist in my basement. How
else to explain my suddenly weakening legs which feel stuck in some gelatinous
gu.
Sewage-
it's not alive you say? Then why does it keep oozing out of my sewer lines.
Gross, right! Hostile tree roots have attacked my line, and every once in a
while the ooze creeps up and we call a plumber. Sewage is persistent but slow. I
am becoming sewage. We all are becoming sewage. Such is the circle of
life.
Children
- a couple of them. Age 7 and 10. They come down to the basement and try to
scream to me. My headphones are on and I can not hear them. Perhaps they mock
me and just mouth words but are really saying nothing. They run with perfect
form, and will soon be faster than all of us and take over the world.
1 comment:
hahaha!!! yet ANOTHER reason i'd never survive in a state with REAL winters. i mean, u're not even safe on your treadmill!! oh the hazards...sewage, sheesh, that isn't only i'd even think of. avoid the poop as best u can. :P jk. but good point, and some of us are far more full of sewage that others. ;)
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