Wednesday, November 20, 2013

American Horror Story Coven

(Spoilers included, up until the 11/13 episode)
I am thoroughly enjoying American Horror Story Coven. It is quite simply FUN. A wonderful dose of supernatural horror filled drama, with punchy one-liners that make you want to stand and cheer. I am dying to give a summary of each character. Here you go.


Jessica Lange has made another amazing character. Strong on the outside with some fragile parts on the inside that threaten to break her all apart. Is she a good witch or a bad witch?  She's the supreme witch and leader of the Coven with the most powers. But this leader may be a bit unscrupulous. She kills those who get in her way and kills some just to have a bit of their youth. Once in a while she gets soft and nice, and does things like bringing a grieving mother's dead infant back to life. Part of this is because Fiona is getting sickly and having some last second change of parenting heart towards her own daughter.


Cordelia is Fiona's daughter, and Fiona hasn’t been too nice to her, and neither has the 3 seasons of AHS. She’s been trashed about so bad and this season is no different. First she wanted a child, but this couldn’t happen so she was going to try an elaborate voodoo procedure not for the faint of uterus. Then an acid splash from a hooded character left her blind (who did this? Nobody knows for sure just yet). Now that she is blinded, she has the power of second sight, and realizes her husband is a philandering ass. What she doesn’t realize is he’s also an undercover witch killer.


Meet Kyle. His frat brothers drugged and gang-raped Madison so she flipped their bus and killed them all. They deserved it! Fuckers! Except Kyle tried to stop it. He was pretty cool.  “Hey, he didn’t deserve to die!”  So they went to the mortuary and mixed and matched some left over frat boy pieces and  “poof!” Kyle is back. Except he’s not really Kyle, not fully. He’s a bit confused, especially since we found out about his mother's Incestual Maneuvers in the Dark (If you leave, don’t leave now…). Kyle whacked his mom with a hammer and then wandered off before Zoe could feed him a rat-poison laced tuna sandwich.

 Kyle wandered back to Misty Day's secret abode. She’s a big Stevie Nicks fan. She Lives in the woods. Gives a great mud pack that heals frankenstein-like wounds while you relax to the tunes of Stevie Nicks (who is also a witch, but we always knew that) Misty is a loner witch, an outcast, well dressed. Seems to be looking for love in all the wrong places, and still looking for her tribe.I vote her witch I most want to have coffee with.

 Her first time sleeping with a boy and he hemorrhaged and bled out. (That is gonna leave a mark.) Next thing she knows, men with suits and dark glasses took her off to witch camp. Oh the trauma. But now she seems to be embracing her witch self and ready to kick ass. We get the feeling she’s the new supreme. No longer afraid to use a chain saw on a zombie or summon axe murderers on the Ouija board.


She can hear your thoughts. Right now. She hears you, thinking what a cool blog post this is, I should buy this guy's book. She’s perhaps the purest of them all.  She has a crush on the dreamy boy next door. And he’s pretty cool right back to her.


Raised in the "D" (that's Detroit to you and me) with a 313 attitude. She’s a walking voodoo doll. If she hurts herself, you will feel it, but she won’t feel a thing, and she knows how to take advantage of this.  She started to share an intimate moment with a Madame Delphine created, Marie Laveau enamored, Minotaur. It ended pretty badly, but she never lost her edge.


She is a snarky, bitchy, movie star witch but kind of likable. Jessica Lange slit her throat thinking she was the supreme, then wrapped her up in the carpet. Her body was in the butler's lock box for a while, but now she’s back to life and wants a cigarette.

And this fellow kept her in the lock box.  He was so happy to have this hotty. You see, he likes to play with dolls. And dress up us a doll. It’s quite bizare. He doesn’t say much. He cut out his own tongue so he wouldn’t have to testify against Fiona Goode. “A tea serving necrophiliac”

The New Orleans queen of  torture, based on a real person whose torture chamber in the attic is reportedly just as depicted in the tv show. When the voodoo queen Marie Laveau  poisoned her, it didn’t kill her, it made her live forever. Then she was buried under the ground. For 100 years she lay there with the ultimate insomonia… until Nan heard her thoughts and they dug her out. Now she’s been reaping a bit what she has sown. 

She’s not just any beauty shop owner, she's the coolest, hippest voodoo queen you ever had give you hair extensions. Also based on a true character. She's in a war with the Coven after the truce has been broken. She needs more screen time and I love when she rips off some one liners like: "You think I did that? Do I look like the Taliban to you? If I wanted to blind your little wife, I wouldn't have to leave my room." or "When I plant a fat-ass cracker in the ground, I expect her to stay planted, not to come up like some damn rag weed."  When the war of the witches breaks out and we all have to take sides, I'm lining up behind Marie Laveau, even if I am on the losing side.

Tonight's a new episode. Sure to be fun for the whole family.

$3.99 on Amazon

"When I plant a fat-ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay planted, not come back up like a damn ragweed!"
"When I plant a fat-ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay planted, not come back up like a damn ragweed!"

1 comment:

Jen Feeny said...

I am so obsessed with this season! Sooooooooooo good! Or should I say Goode? Heh.

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