Friday, October 4, 2013

Will You Be My Sponsor? An Open Letter To Asics and Brooks

"Torn Between Two Lovers. Feeling Like A Fool"  
~Mary McGregor
"Will you be my sponsor?"  
~Nervous guy at his first AA meeting 

After I gathered up all the Nike Pegasus in Michigan, blamed them for my injurious legs, and then burned them at the stake for witchcraft and other crimes against humanity, I had to replace them. 

In their stead, I am running in the Brooks Ghost and the Asics GT 2000. Both are very popular and excellent shoes. I've been alternating them in yet another attempt at some injury prevention voodoo.

The Asics GT 2000 is a bit more stable and feels tighter to the road. I feel more like I'm cruising with them.  The Brooks Ghost is more cushioned. It's like a permanent soft running track under your feet, yet not too heavy.

Say hello to my little friends
Like most love triangles, whichever one I'm running with seems to be my favorite. At some point, I'm going to have choose just one to run the New York City Marathon in. A different shoe on each foot has been mostly ruled out.

Here's how I am going to make my decision. I want one of them to sponsor me. Yep! why not? AA encourages new members to ask for a sponsor all the time and not to wait for one to appear. So that's what I'm doing, asking for a sponsor.  

Listen up, Brooks and Asics, I offer a lot. In fact, once companies read this, you may just have to stand in line:
Here's what I offer a sponsor:


 Fast Marathon times in the 2 hour plus range. 
Yep! that's right. Look at my last 5 marathons

Chicago Marathon-2 hours plus 90 minutes
Grand Rapids-2 hour plus 80 minutes
Boston Marathon-2 hour plus 90 minutes
Ann Arbor Marathon-2 hour plus 110 minutes
Bayshore marathon-2 hour plus 121 minutes

With times like this, your product is sure to get noticed. But wait, here's even more....
  
Unmatched Exposure for your brand: 
*I will shave your brand name in my back hair and run the New York City Marathon shirtless. Cameras will follow me everywhere. Pictures will be taken. Pamela Anderson will surely be ignored. (Thought: cross-marketing with Gillette perhaps?) 

*I will add a PDF page advertising your brand in Chasing the Dragon: Runnning to Get High which nearly a thousand readers downloaded during it's last freebie run. It will be the first thing readers see when they look at the book. Can I do that? Of course I can, I'm the factory.

*I will make edits to my novel, The Jade Rabbit, and have the main character Janice run in your shoes. As she tries to conceive a child while training at a scoldering pace, she will consider naming the little one either 'Asics' or 'Brooks'.
 
*Erin and Macon, characters from my novel On the Lips of Children, will wear your gear as they attempt to escape from a crazy exacto-knife welding family living in a tunnel along their running trail. "Oh, thank God for my (Brooks or Asics) because without them, I would have surely been killed" will become the last line of the novel. (Oh my gosh, I just spoiled the ending!) (not really)

* I will change the name of my blog. It will be known as "Running, Writing, and Chasing the Dragon Wearing My (Brooks or Asics)." You want your name to be in sole possession? Contact me before Nike comes crawling.

All I ask of you is some size 8.5 shoes a couple of times a year. You have extras anyways. I know this because it's the size that is always in stock at online running warehouses long after the brand has been discontinued. You can also throw in a couple of race entries, just one. Maybe a nice hat. And a bowl of soup to go with that hat.

So, come on. What are you waiting for? 


3 comments:

Johnny said...

Heh, only Michiganders (or did we switch to Michiganians?) will catch the Wallside Windows reference.

FineFettle (Michelle C.) said...

This is awesome! Good luck Mark! I hope they are impressed with your 2 hour marathon range LOL. I think you are much faster than me...

FineFettle (Michelle C.) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Copies of GARDEN OF FIENDS to HWA Members for Bram Stoker Consideration

Hi Folks, I'm offering up copies of GARDEN OF FIENDS: TALES OF ADDICTION HORROR for Bram Stoker Consideration in the Anthology categ...